There were the kids who feared going to primary school, and then there were those who feared secondary school. They then became young adults scared of work, college or university.
As I have grown up I have always questioned this fear and instead loved the challenge of something new. I still do.
Yet, fear has caught up with me and for the first time ever I am scared of the change coming next. In less than six months time I will be graduating and leaving the comfort and familiarities of education.
I have always told people that I hate routine and could never work nine until five. I have worked zero hour contracts my entire adult life, jumping from place to place.
I would work until the early hours of the morning one night and start at the crack of dawn the next day. I have slept during the day, written essays at midnight and had breakfast at four o’clock in the afternoon. I still cannot function without a calendar for fear of having no clue of where I am next.
But it turns out that I have had routine all along, and that is the constant education I have been enrolled in for the past eighteen years. I have started that fresh notebook every August or September and I have tried to retain as much knowledge as I possibly can until the next summer. I have always been able to anticipate the next step whether that be standard grades to highers or advanced highers to a degree level. Now I realise that I yearn for that routine.
No matter what people try and tell you or what you try and tell yourself, people need routine. If you look at your life you will find at least one constant there. For me it is the challenges that education has thrown at me, whether that be assignments or work placements.
The next challenge however is my own. I need to make my own routine and create my own goals and steps.
Do not get me wrong, I am excited. But terrified at the same time.
And as for the unstructured sleep patterns work shifts….I guess it will continue until I finish my dissertation….